bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
