I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
