I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
