Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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