I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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