I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
BRING THE BAGELS
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
