I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
