the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
