fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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