i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize