twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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