I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize