Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had to cum in my sink.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
