i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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