All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
