just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
