I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
