hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
