I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
