Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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