everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
