Christians are straight up FREAKS
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The best revenge is premature balding
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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