We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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