We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
