Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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