Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
People in love make me want to vomit
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize