six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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