Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
