He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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