im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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