so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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