Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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