I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
