Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My life is pants optional.
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