Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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