cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We need to rekindle our bromance
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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