if you like me you must not know who I am
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
