So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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