This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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