I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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