i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
