Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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