worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize