You made me cry and you don't even care
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
