In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need help removing her.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
