so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
