I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
