Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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