I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize