I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
