You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
