party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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