Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
ok first of all what the fuck
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
