The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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