I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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