What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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