Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
