i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize