She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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