Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So much rum. So many feels.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize