sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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