so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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