I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
