I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
