dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize